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Mom guilt. I first experienced mom guilt when I stopped breastfeeding Owen. Call me naive, but I truly didn't realize how time consuming breastfeeding would be until I had a baby stuck to my breast seemingly 24/7. Owen had acid reflex, which caused him to cluster feed, so instead of feeding every few hours he fed every 10-15 minutes. Not wanting to breastfeed all day everyday, I stopped earlier than I had originally planned.
I felt like a failure
Even though Ian put absolutely no pressure on me to breastfeed, I felt that I had failed Owen. To be honest, I felt major mom guilt. It seemed like I was doing something wrong by feeding him formula. Was I less of a mom because I wasn't able to provide him breast milk? Was I less of a mom because I didn't love breastfeeding? While I knew deep down that all would be okay with Owen, I still felt guilty.
When I had Collin, I knew from the beginning I was going to try my darnedest to breastfeed him as long as possible. And by doing so, I believed, again naively, I was going to avoid mom guilt. Even if that meant pumping in my classroom before my students arrived and during my lunch breaks, I was going to push through and be a better mom. Well, you know what? I still felt/feel mom guilt.
I'm constantly questioning whether I'm pumping enough. I question if I should breastfeed or bottle feed. Breastfeeding means I produce more, but pumping means I can freeze more. Ugh. For a few weeks Collin went through a "I don't want anything to do with your boobs phase" which made me feel even more guilty. Why did he not want me?
I know it's absurd, but it's pressure I put on myself that was and still is truly hard to let go.
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hi, I'm leslie
Whether it's through nutrition, mindfulness, spending more time with family, setting monthly goals, or just finding the things that make us happy in life, finding balance is the ultimate goal. Join me as I try and find balance in my own life.
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