The Unreachable: Balance
Pneumonia 4 times in 1 year. That'll change a person. In good ways and bad. After each bout of pneumonia I went through days, weeks, even months of sadness and frustration. Sadness that my life didn't feel like mine any more. I was succumb to feeling like crap, taking multiple rounds of meds, and working while sick (that's a whole other story for another time). I was frustrated that I was unable to find the balance needed to spend quality time with my boys and husband. I was frustrated that I couldn't workout, go out for a drink with friends, or do the work that's required of being a successful teacher.
Simply, I was frustrated that my life no longer felt like mine. In between the weeks of of sicknesses, I attempted to do everything I could to control my health. Eat more fruits and vegetables, reduce consumption of refined sugar and flour, cut out Diet Coke, reduce stress, and more. Nothing worked.
A Need for balance
Well, here I am freshly recovered from my 4th pneumonia and surprisingly optimistic. Why? Because I'm on a journey. A journey to find healthy Leslie again.
I've come to accept that healthy Leslie will most likely be different than pre-pneumonia Leslie. I don't think I'll ever be in that place again. But to tell you the truth I think that's a good thing.
My sickness bouts have actually helped me want to find balance. I know, I know balance is unattainable. But I want to get as close to that as I possibly can. Pre Collin days, I consistently ate fatty, carb ridden foods. I almost always had 1-2 alcoholic drinks a night - on weekends it was up to 3. I was always onto the next thing and never taking a moment to be mindful or appreciative. And I was knee deep in a career that I didn't like.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all terrible. The fatty, carb loaded meals were DELICIOUS and I was drinking those alcoholic drinks with my husband and having plenty of tipsy fun with friends. But what I didn't have was contentment with my life.
I didn't have the right priorities for my health, personal life or work. Having been sick the majority of the past year has put everything into perspective. It's made me realize that I need to find a new normal. I need to eat healthier. I need to drink less. I need to workout more. I need a job that I enjoy. I need to focus on me because once I focus on me and get healthy, I can focus on my kids and my husband, and my future. Once I'm healthy and strong, and the woman, mom, wife and friend that I want to be, everything else will fall into place.
fixing my priorities
How will I achieve this? At this point I'm not exactly sure. That is the million dollar question. If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be writing this blog post. Fortunately, I have an unbelievably supportive husband who understands the importance of me going through this journey.
Does that mean I'm going to only eat gluten, sugar, and dairy free foods, practice mindfulness daily, never drink, and sleep 12 hours a day? Nope! I wish I had that much control. I'm only human and realize that while eating whole grain is 100% better for you than refined carbs, I'm going to enjoy and eat white pasta. Because it's delicious and I need some deliciousness in my life. I'm also going to enjoy getting a beer or two with Ian. But with that comes the other side of health.
So, I hope you stick around for the ride to see how or if I fix my priorities. My posts may look a little different from here on out. What that is, again, I'm not exactly sure. But I'm excited. I'm excited to see where the next year leads. Hopefully, not at the local InstaCare.
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hi, I'm leslie
Whether it's through nutrition, mindfulness, spending more time with family, setting monthly goals, or just finding the things that make us happy in life, finding balance is the ultimate goal. Join me as I try and find balance in my own life.
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